if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
