respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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