I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
