How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
