You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
