he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
