she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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