"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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