I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sext me about skeletons
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
