Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
