Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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