Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
