I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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