I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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