Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
