I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
