you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
