umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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