happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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