He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
