you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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