i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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