It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
