I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
