: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
