True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
