you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want a musical about memes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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