you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
