Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
