Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
