I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
where are you?
Hypothermia
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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