Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
