i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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