Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
