How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
