we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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