remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
