We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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