i can't believe i had my finger in that
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
