No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i love accidental penises.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
