She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
