Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
