yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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