i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
