i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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