Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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