THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
