just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
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Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They took my balls.
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You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand