Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off