It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.