You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is the high leading the old right now
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.