I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.