So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom