bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
