What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
