is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
