I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
