Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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