My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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