I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
