My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
