A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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