The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
