Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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