i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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