I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
