I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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