Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize