I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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