can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
