I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
