season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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